Bring Jack Tame Home

The NZ Herald continues to be woefully inadequate in its coverage of the world’s largest superpower.  It’s biggest faux pas has got to be its reliance on correspondent Jack Tame.

I’ve seen Jack Tame on the television.  He’s a 98lbs metrosexual who looks like he’s 14 years old.  He looks like he would get culture shock simply crossing to the south side of the Great North Road.  I think he would be uncomfortable living among ordinary heartland New Zealanders, let alone the cultural WTF that is the United States of America.

It’s pretty clear from his columns that he neither has any understanding of American culture, nor makes an attempt to understand.  He spent most of his column on the Chick-Fil-A controversy criticising American fast food chains.  Clearly he’s never had a chicken burger from Chick-Fil-A, because they are freaking delicious, and after filling your belly with one it is impossible to hate anyone.

His latest column is his most retarded.  It’s on the reality TV show Stars Earn Stripes.  He sees fit to criticise the very institution which caused New Zealand to remain a free country to this day – the US military.

In an open letter to NBC, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Jose Ramos-Horta, and seven other Nobel Peace laureates said the programme “pays homage to no one anywhere. It continues and expands on an inglorious tradition of glorifying war”.

I’m not sure exactly what gave the laureates that impression. Perhaps it came just a few minutes in, when a soldier-cum-trainer boasted on camera of his wartime sniping tally. “I’ve got a confirmed kill count of 160 people.”

…But it wasn’t the inclusion of celebrities or competition or even Hollywood effects that so blatantly sanitised war, but the noticeable exclusion of sobering facts.There were only vague mentions of the almost 8000 coalition troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq. There was no mention of the more than 100,000 civilians killed in the same wars…

Blah blah blah.  No mention by Jack that it is the very readiness of the US military which saved New Zealand’s freedom at the Battle of the Coral Sea sixty years ago.  It’s a fact that most anti-American bigots like to forget.  Those Japanese warships were on their way to invade New Zealand, and our allies – these American soldiers – stopped them.  And yet people like Jack see fit to criticise the militaristic gun-ho attitude of American society, when really they should instead be saying “Domo Arigatoo Gozaimasu!”, which is in the language they would have been talking had America not been such a crazy, redneck, warmongering, gun-toting place that likes freedom and democracy lots.

Come home Jack.  Go back to your safe Grey Lynn villa and your cushy TVNZ job on the breakfast show where you can report on cats up trees to bored housewives.  Let the Herald send someone in your place who actually likes it here and appreciates these wondrous United States.

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