Monthly Archives: May 2012

Ted Cruz for US Senate

I went to a political meeting here in San Antonio tonight to see Ted Cruz – a former Texas Solicitor General who is hoping to be the next US Senator for Texas, replacing the retiring Kay Bailey Hutchison.

(You can just see my head there in the top right hand corner of the picture)

It’s hard to remember the last time I was so impressed by a politician.  Firstly, he has a great track record already.  We have Ted Cruz to thank for forcing the US Supreme Court to clarify the Second Amendment – law-abiding people now have an established constitutional right to own a gun that was hitherto only theoretical.   And as a lawyer he has a track record of pummeling the ACLU for their dogmatic secularism.  But tonight, he talked about Ayn Rand and Atlas Shrugged, he pledged to abolish the Departments of Education and Energy, and even the IRS!

I asked him a question about Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 plan, and he called it “a good first step, but we should work towards a single low flat tax and a fair tax”.   Any man who thinks 9-9-9 doesn’t go far enough is my kind of politician!

Cruz is Cuban-Hispanic, but no fan of immigration amnesty – he talked at length about protecting the borders with walls, fences, drones and anything necessary.  He pointed out that it was not a racial issue about Mexicans – many nationalities use the Mexican border for human trafficking and other illegal activities.  He pointed out that his opponent – Lieutenant Governor David Dewhurst, had been pretty tepid on the immigration issue in his ten years in office.

I only wish we had politicians like this in New Zealand.  And while he is trailing Dewhurst in the polls right now (Dewhurst has a lot of money and a lot of attack ads), if he can force a runoff election on Tuesday, he is looking pretty good to take Dewhurst out and beat whatever token wraith of what passes for a Democrat in Texas these days and assume a Senate seat.  That would be a marvelous thing, because I could then say I shook a Senator’s hand 🙂

When I talked to him briefly, I mentioned that I was from New Zealand and he told me that people had said to him that the only other free country in the world was New Zealand, and that if America went down the drain, maybe that’s where people could go!  I told him that there were some good things about NZ, but that there were a LOT of socialists.

It’s guys like this that make me proud to live in Texas, and I hope he wins.

Soccer Versus American Football: Which Sport is Gayer?

Americans love to rip on football (aka. “soccer”) as being slightly effete and not the sort of sport a real man should engage in.  So I thought that I should compare football with what Americans call “football”, and see which one actually is gayer…

1.  Clothing:

Soccer:  Long socks, baggy, comfortable shorts, long, loose-fitting shirt.  The sort of thing a red-blooded guy relaxes in at home;

American Football:  Tights that show off your arse and camel-toe, shoulder-pads, mesh shirt, bulbous helmet.  Exactly the sort of thing you wear to G.A.Y on a Friday night if you’re looking for a bit of batty.

2.  Game time:

Soccer:  Two halves of forty-five minutes each.   Total game time – two hours or so.  A decent length of time for hanging with the guys;

American Football:  Four quarters of fifteen minutes each.  So less than soccer, and with more breaks in case the players break a nail.  Total game time – about four hours.  About the length of time a gay guy takes to pluck his eyebrows and get ready to go to afore-mentioned G.A.Y on a Friday night.

3. Players:

Soccer:  Eleven guys, plus about five or so on the bench.  About the size of a decent frat party;

American Football:  Eleven offense players.  Eleven defense players.  A designated kicker.  Numerous cheerleaders.  A massive brass band.  Just about enough for a gay pride parade.

4.  Tackling:

Soccer:  A guy with the ball is tackled.  The game continues.  It takes less time than a guy would taking a slash;

American Football:  A guy with the ball is tackled within five seconds of play resuming.  Everybody stops and checks that their padding is in place for five minutes.  The game resumes.  It’s a bit like a ladies bathroom break where they check themselves in the mirror and adjust their eyebrows.

5.  Game-play:

Soccer:  Constant motion.  Good manly exercise;

American Football:  Stops and starts all the time so that the girls playing can adjust their bras and catch their breath again.

6.  Crowd refreshments:

Soccer:  Lager – a real man’s drink.

American Football:  Light beer – a watery, low calorie, low alcohol concoction designed to be slimming so that fans can look after their figure.

* * * * *

So in conclusion, it’s pretty clear that Association Football (a.k.a. “Soccer”) is a man’s game, and American Football is for big girl’s blouses.  Soccer is for WAGs and American Football is for fags.  And anyone who thinks David Beckham is a bit metro has clearly never seen the Pittsburgh Steelers’ Troy Polamalu advertise Head and Shoulders shampoo.